I organize and run airsoft games through Airsoft Battle Zone in Wisconsin, as well as teach Renaissance-style rapier fencing with the medieval reenactment group the Society for Creative Anachronism. These mock combat games and knightly tournaments provide excellent out-of-doors venues for "boy play" and foster the development of multi-age peer contacts based on shared interests and the striving for skills. Many times I have seen older experienced fencers or airsofters take new younger players under their wings and provide play guidance. The mentor bonds that form over time, as the younger player grows into himself with the help and encouragement of his older peers, are the sorts of developmental experiences that have become rare in our society. Play venues like SCA tournaments, and especially airsoft scenario games, are among the very few areas where age segregation does not hold sway, and where teens can play with and against experienced adults in an intense but ultimately safe mock combat setting.

Thanks for your wonderful work!

Todd

I would love to give my daughter a book with all of the practical and applicable info from "Strong Fathers…" but in a format that is addressed to the daughter instead of the father. I know, I know, it's my job to communicate all of that to her, and I will, but your book was so eye-opening (read: scary) to me that I think daughters everywhere would greatly benefit from a companion book that speaks directly to them. Just a thought. Thanks for the great book.

I thought of sending you this link after my wife showed it to me.

http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/undergod/2008/05/purity_ball.html

This specific blog was of "odd purity balls" that seem to be gaining momentum.

Although I'm not sure "purity balls" would be the venue I'd choose, I really don't see why the blog author Claire Hoffman is so set against the idea, unless it's because Claire herself did not have an adequate father as a role model.

Do you have any thoughts on this matter? If so, I'd love to hear them. I thought it kind of silly for Claire to speak so harshly of an event only organized to help teenage daughters not have premarital sex.

If you don't respond on your blog here, you can email me (if you have access to my email address via the sign in procedure) with your thoughts on the subject.

Thank you!

Forever grateful,
David

Wow…what an eye opener. Just read your book last week and have already changed the way I interact with my 7 and 10 year old daughters. So far so good, but I did "dog ear" serveral pages to go back and re-read, and re-read again. Also sent out an email to my friends with daughters telling them this is a must read. Thank you for writing this book, and keep up the great work.

–Joe

I was wondering what Dr. Meeker's thoughts are on the Gardasil vaccine. Our pediatrician is pushing my wife to begin the vaccines with our thirteen year old daughter and I'm really torn as to what to do.

Thank you very much for your comments on this topic.

Sincerley,
Mark

On a recent trip to the bookstore my daughter presented me with a few books and one of them was 'Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters'. You see my wife and I have been in a long term disagreement on many an issues related to our 15 yrs old daughter. Long story short is that my wife went down the road of being a 'girlfriend' with my daughter while I got stuck playing the bad guy and stuck to my guns on many issues like dating, bedtimes, cell phones at school etc… Our disagreements fractured our family almost irreconcilably. For about 2 years my daughter and my wife were basically girlfriends. Funny thing occurred though when my daughter, upon turning 15 in May '07, realized on her own that what her father was 'preaching' (integrity, bucking the trends, non-popular decisions etc.) made sense and that her mother was not doing her any favors on many issues- she moved from the girlfriend camp and over to embracing the values and 'rules' that I was so passionately holding to. It was not easy for any of us, but by my daugher reaching out and my sticking to my guns, we met in the middle. Unfortunatley my wife is paying the price of having played the 'girlfriend' approach fro so long. My daughter and her do not get along at all, and there is a huge trust issue between them both. My daughter actually has said that, although she does not always agree with me, and may kick and scream about some of my rules (esp dating) she understands where I am coming from as a Dad. And she is abiding by my rules. And, so far, we have a great relationship… we have come to respect each other and have earned each other's respect. My daughter and I are very close nw, and that means so much to me. We have a long way to go as a family, we are in counseling, and there is much work to do esp between my wife and daughter. But back to your book - I have to say, after two years of turmoil of the above situation, I was brought to tears just reading your Introduction. I felt vindicated. I felt like all that I was fighting for, standing my ground, being unpopular, was worth it. I am only in Chapter Two, but I wanted to thank you for haveing the courage to write and publish such a fine, timely book. I think it should be standard issue to all parents! Thank you so much.

It sounds like your daughter is suffering from depression. Her negativity, oppositional behavior and unwillingness to talk to you indicate that she is feeling some deep hurts that she doesn't know how to handle. Often teenagers don't even know where the feelings come from. My recommendation to you is to find a good Christian counselor in your area. You can contact your local CMDS (Christian Medical and Dental Association) chapter and ask for names, or you can start with your family physician.

Once you find a counselor, encourage your daughter to go. If she hesitates (as most teens do) tell her that you would like her to have one person whom she can talk to other than you who will completely honor confidentiality. Also, you could suggest that the two of you go together so that you can get some tips on how to help make her life more enjoyable. That's tough for kids to resist.

One has only to look at the historical data over 40 years in our attempts to use modern secular solutions to sex out of wedlock and see that they simply do not work.

Added to that ask adults, particularly women who did have sex out of wedlock when they were children if they had to do it again would they. The why not might supprise you.

We need to invest in strengthing our families and their support systems (Church, educaters etc.) if we are ever going to really turn the corner on this problem.

Keep up the the great work doctor. Even if one child is able to maintain their virginity before marriage much good has been done.

Thank you very much for your time.
by the way I did my OB-GYN residency in Michigan and my wife and I would go to Traverse City often.

thanks again
Dr. Coyle