I wrote Boys Should Be Boys for several reasons. First, I believe that our boys are being ignored and pushed aside, even attacked. Here's why I say that. The past 20 years have been about helping girls everywhere and anywhere, shine. Get them to finish highschool, go on to college, forge careers and excel at sports and academics. While this has helped many girls, boys have been marginalized, told to be quiet and to stay out of the way. A lower percentage of boys now graduate highschool and college than girls. Many grow up to apologize for having a Y chromosome.
Second, boys are under assault by media and advertising industries. Video games are infused with hyperviolent and hypersexual messages which train our sons (and we have plenty of good studies to prove this) to be more aggressive and violent as they mature. Girls aren't standing in line to buy the new AutoTheft game, it's our young boys, who are consistently the target consumers for new video games.
Third, I believe that boys are incredible. All boys- 2 year olds and 17 year old boys. They are filled with enthusiasm, curiosity and loads of energy. They have questions and look for answers, identify problems and try to define clear solutions. They are pragmatic, sensitive, energetic and highly misunderstood.
It's high time we give them our attention and encouragement. Our boys need us- and they particularly need you men- masculine role models who can teach them that they don't need to compete with women. They need us to pay attention to their hearts. They need us to help them navigate a culture which really doesn't like them very much.
So let's get to it. Let's pay attention to our boys and dig into their lives. Let's embrace their masculinity and grow it, not stifle it. It's time to let boys, really be the boys they were born to be.
3 Comments
Dr. Meeker,
I recently read Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters….what an excellent book! Many of my beliefs were validated with your experiences, and I will definitely reread the book in the future as my (only 17 month old) daughter gets older.
I thought of sending you this link after my wife showed it to me.
http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/undergod/2008/05/purity_ball.html
This specific blog was of "odd purity balls" that seem to be gaining momentum.
Although I'm not sure "purity balls" would be the venue I'd choose, I really don't see why the blog author Claire Hoffman is so set against the idea, unless it's because Claire herself did not have an adequate father as a role model.
Do you have any thoughts on this matter? If so, I'd love to hear them. I thought it kind of silly for Claire to speak so harshly of an event only organized to help teenage daughters not have premarital sex.
If you don't respond on your blog here, you can email me (if you have access to my email address via the sign in procedure) with your thoughts on the subject.
Thank you!
I'm an 18 year old male and I tend to agree that males are being pushed aside to a degree. However I still believe this world is a man's world. Men have the upper hand in almost everything. Men make more money, the hold more jobs, they don't suffer from the same double standards that women do. I'm not saying any of this is alright but I think it is how it is. Females do have the advantage in school, since I believe school is set up better for them but I think that is about it. Also I own and play every Grand Theft Auto game, it's merely for entertainment. I'm not actually going to commit crimes just because I can on a videogame. Videogames will always be bought primarily by males because the themes of the games generally interest males more often. Every guy will tell you though, video games are fads no matter how fun they are. Everyone eventually gets tired and bored of them and they stop playing them. Including all the Grand Theft Auto games.
I heard your interview with Veronica Reuckert on Wisconsin Public Radio this morning, discussing the topics you address in "Boys Should Be Boys." It greatly heartened me to hear you advocate so-called "war play" outdoors. In my opinion, one of the absolute worst things we do to our boys is that we make them SIT AROUND so much! Most boys (and some girls) would rather DO exciting things - video games are largely what I call "experience substitutes," and often prove unsatisfying precisely because they lack critical sensory and kineaesthetic components. They are in the head, not in the world.
I organize and run airsoft games through Airsoft Battle Zone in Wisconsin, as well as teach Renaissance-style rapier fencing with the medieval reenactment group the Society for Creative Anachronism. These mock combat games and knightly tournaments provide excellent out-of-doors venues for "boy play" and foster the development of multi-age peer contacts based on shared interests and the striving for skills. Many times I have seen older experienced fencers or airsofters take new younger players under their wings and provide play guidance. The mentor bonds that form over time, as the younger player grows into himself with the help and encouragement of his older peers, are the sorts of developmental experiences that have become rare in our society. Play venues like SCA tournaments, and especially airsoft scenario games, are among the very few areas where age segregation does not hold sway, and where teens can play with and against experienced adults in an intense but ultimately safe mock combat setting.
Thanks for your wonderful work!
Todd