Parents Beware: Spank and You Go to Jail
Delaware is bullying parents. They just passed Senate Bill 234 making spanking of children by parents illegal. If I were a parent in Delaware, I’d be worried because the bill also states that if a parent causes physical harm or “pain” to a child, he/she can go to jail for a year. Yikes. Pain? Can we clarify, please? Don’t ask my grown kids what kind of pain I’ve inflicted on them over the years. My six-year-old daughter was jumping on the bed with her two-year-old brother and broke his leg while I was folding laundry nearby. Does that count?
What about Lara, the mother of my patient, eight-year-old Jack? Lara is a single mother and Jack has taken to back talking and swearing. “The only way he stops is by getting a firm swat on the butt,” she recently told me. Time outs, taking toys away, and grounding him don’t work. He’s extraordinarily stubborn. Should Lara go to jail for a year? Should I report her?
Not only does the government need to get out of parenting, but it also needs to begin to make some sort of sense.
Consider that Jack’s mother Lara could also go to jail if her fourteen-year-old pregnant daughter went to the doctor and got an abortion and suffered “pain” (bleeding, post traumatic stress, anxiety or depression) afterward. Even though Delaware state law requires 24-hour parental notification (not parental permission, based upon my reading of the law) of a teen’s desire for an abortion, the law also allows for teens to appeal to have that notification waived. It’s a real possibility that the government would have denied Lara the right to know about (or consent to) her daughter’s getting an abortion (that wasn’t her business as a parent), but then allowed her to go to jail if her daughter suffered pain. Have we lost our minds? Parents can’t use their judgment regarding discipline with toddlers, nor are we allowed the right to protect our teens?
No one believes that it’s acceptable to abuse children. But that’s not what the new law in Delaware is about. Parents who abuse children couldn’t care less about the law, and social workers in every state are so overwhelmed trying to punish parents who are really hurting their children that only a tiny fraction of abusers actually go to jail. The point of the law is to allow government officials to send a clear message to parents: You are the bad guys and we know how to parent better than you. Seriously?
During the last five years, I’ve personally experienced how well the government “helps” me take care of my patients, and it isn’t pretty. Government regulations haven’t done anything but hurt my relationship with them. My patients and I know how to solve their health issues much better than any government employee does (and they come to our office to “check on us” all the time). If the government gums up my relationships with my precious patients, how much more harm can they be when they get between a parent and a child?
Delaware’s real mistake is in perceiving parents as the bad guys. They have already taught parents that when it comes to their teenager’s health issues, we parents should get out of the way because we don’t understand and we can’t help our children make the right decisions. The government assumes that parents simply can’t handle their child’s dilemma—like teen pregnancy or sexual activity—so they need to step in and move parents out of the way. I have news for the government: it’s not 1970, and most parents don’t kick pregnant girls out of their homes anymore.
Now Delaware is allowing them to extend this twisted mentality to parents of young children and it needs to stop. If they really want to help kids, they should build parents up, not tear them down, because great parenting happens when kids and their parents are brought closer together not driven further apart.
And one more minor point. Delaware says that parents should go to jail for spanking their children but not for aborting them. Can you tell me what I’m missing?
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I’d love to hear from those parents living in Delaware. Are you aware of this bill? What do you think?
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24 Responses to “Parents Beware: Spank and You Go to Jail”
You Go Dr. Meg! Thanks for expressing you candid opinion! I have to agree with you 100%
Dr. Meeker, you never fail to cut right through the garbage with courage and clarity. I am forever handing your books to other parents and it is so helpful to have you get right into an issue like this. Thank you!
Thank you, Mrs. Meeker, for being transparent and speaking out. We have many family members in the healthcare field who are starting to share (in silence) with us what the new reforms are doing to our healthcare system and how much they will negatively impact our personal care. Thank you for your boldness and speaking the truth. We are loosing our freedoms; there’s so much at stake, and we need advocates like you to shed the silence and speak the truth.
That is sad. The parents who cannot punish their children now will be in trouble later when their kid does something wrong and the parents are responcible. We are already raising a generation of spoiled kids and now they can’t even be punished? What about blood work and shots? Will parents and drs be imprisoned for causing pain?
Very well stated. Thank you so much for speaking out. I listened to a speaker at our church once and he said, “Love without discipline is child abuse. If we don’t discipline our children, society will and it will be a lot more harsh.” The government is only hurting our children more by taking away our rights to help our children learn how to be good people and make good choices. I live with so much fear for my children because society as a whole is going to the dumps. We are allowing young minds to make too many choices that they are not ready to make and now they are stepping in and telling parents how to do their work, too. Why not make stronger laws and focus energy on the wackos who are really hurting children (sex offenders, child abusers, etc).
When my husband and I were going through the process to adopt our 1st child, using an adoption adgency, we had to agree not to use corporal punishment, or spank our child. By the time we were adopting our 3rd child, they had stopped asking that, but did make their antispanking views very clear.
It never fails to suprise me what the government comes up with in the name of “protecting” children.
I agree with Dr. Meeker 100%. I remember the case of the young American who was caned in Singapur (an extreme case in our societies, of course), and the Prime Minister’s answer to Bill Clinton: “A country with so many crime problems shouldn’t be telling us what to do”.
In Mexico, where I live, parents are not seen as abusive if we spank our (young) children, but as setting a limit (one spank in the “right moment”, no more).
In my experience as a son and as a father, it works. Especially if the child is in danger (one of my children tried to get off a car in motion once).
Wow! This is scary what our society is coming to. I agree that yes that there needs to be stricter laws against child abusers and yes they should serve jail time. But this new law in Delaware? It is the first step in causing bigger problems across the nation.
I have a VERY stubborn 3 yr old. Some tell me that it all comes with the age, but she’s been this way since birth. I’ve been taking my daughter to a therapist for the past 6 months. My daughter is intelligent and knows how to work things. Being stubborn is a part of her personality and I’ve had to learn new ways to deal with her. Sometimes my biggest triumph is when my daughter thinks things were her idea. For example she decided that she wanted to potty train and was determined to do it completely on her own. It took her a month.
Posted on Facebook
Wow! Thank you for your bluntness. I think you are 100% right on. Our laws are so twisted and inconsistent. Our rights are being stripped and we must stand up for them not just for our sake, but for the sake of our children. Thank you.
Posted on fb.
Wow this is mental!!! There is a fine line between disciplining your child… And child abuse!! I think anyone would understand that.. Hey I got an idea how about we make the raise the bars on people that actually abuse/ beat their children? What would our children be like without discipline? My 13 month old is a little ball of fire! He thinks time out is a joke, a swat on the hand he just laughs at.. But my gosh! Our society is really going mad. We’re going to have a bunch of bratty, ungrateful generation on our hands!
When you love your child, you train them in the way that he/she should go~! We are the parents of nine children~five of whom were adopted through the foster care system. We have had to roll up our sleeves to parent through the behaviors, etc. that come with children who have been abused~! That breaks my heart that ANYONE would ever abuse a child~!!!
Discipline is loving them. I have never been an advocate of spanking, until absolutely nothing else worked for a couple of our extremely strong-willed children. As a Momma, I wish that they would “Just stop the inappropriate behavior”. It would be so much easier to not have to discipline our children~You know, the Pollyanna Syndrome Momma~! LOL~!
It is our calling to raise our children to become respectful, responsible, law-abiding, productive adults. When we love them, we care about their character, behavior, manners, etc. Loving discipline teaches them that there are consequences for inappropriate behavior~kind of like, if you break the rules in society, you will go to jail. I want the best for our children~!
So glad that God chose me to be their Momma~! I am truly blessed~!
This is one of the most insane things I have ever heard of. Give me a break!
No one from Delaware yet…curious…anyone?
Thank you Delaware for stepping in and making an example of what other states should be doing. Trust me when I say, I don’t believe that government should step in and control parenting, but if we are going to teach kids healthy relationships, it needs to start at home in a loving environment. Discipline comes from the word disciple (which means to lead) and I’d like to think that parents can do a better job of leading by example. If I hit my spouse, it is domestic abuse. If I hit my enemy, it is assault. If a child hits another child in school, it is bullying. But it’s ok to hit a child at home on the bottom. I’ve studied development for years and have both biological and adoptive children. I’m shocked that as a Pediatrician, the statement would be made,”If they really want to help kids, they should build parents up, not tear them down, because great parenting happens when kids and their parents are brought closer together not driven further apart.” I’m confused. So allowing parents to hit their children is bringing them closer together. Really?!? Where do we draw the line? I’d like to believe that parents could find a way to lovingly lead their children which didn’t include fear or harsh punishment. To love they neighbors as ourselves. To treat others with respect. To lead by example so when children enter school they know how to handle conflict. Spanking, hitting, corprol punishment, or whatever you want to call it, is unhealthy and needs to be stopped.
Wow! What is next, jail for potentially causing harm? Have had two ER visits for stitches and both occures within arms length of me. I worry that if I was further away it wouldof been deemed negligent when it could not be prevented even when well supervised. Pretty easy to judge when we havent walked in others shoes.
huhuhu my tears! Yeah we don’t have the reason to ask God Why, thoguh sometimes i ask him why but we know that he will understand us!:)thanks for this cute video!:)
Did Mary spank Jesus? We do not know. But we are probably thinking she did not have to. And why are we thinking that? Is it because we think Jesus was probably the perfect child, and therefore would not have done anything to make Mary even consider spanking him? What if Mary knew God loved her, as she was, a Child of God, and in that she was not afraid of the world around her. She was free to love her son and see him as loved by God as well. She was not afraid to see Joseph as a Child of God, or afraid to see her parents, her cousins, her grandparents, her friends, her neighbors, the Romans, humanity, as Children of God, and to love them as God loved them. To love with patience and kindness and understanding. To love wisely. And Joseph, too, lived in the faith and trust that he was loved by God. Mary’s faith (and a little help from an angel in dreams) and probably how he himself was raised helped Joe see himself as loved by God and must try to see others that way as well (even if the world tells us to see people as unloved by God). And now Joe was not afraid to see his child as loved by God nor was Joe afraid to see Mary as loved by God, nor all those he encountered and struggled against and protected his family from, etc. Now both Mary and Joseph could live without fear and love each other and their son as God loved them. They acted towards each other and their son, Jesus, as beloved Children of God. They themselves could look to their own lives to know how to share God’s love to their son. Not in material goods, spoiling their son with lots of playthings and extracurricular activities and nice clothes and a luxurious house and prestigious jobs. They focused on sharing the love God had shown them: in faith and family. Discipline was mutual, they practiced what they preached, making the message a visible truth. They taught and learned too. Imagine if all parents knew God loved them and that freed them to not be afraid and to love their child as God loved them. And if the parent is alone, or whomever is entrusted to the care of a child is alone, then “the village” must be the Joachims and Annas (and the unnamed parents of Joseph who raised a good son, too), and the Marys and Josephs and help the parent to know they are loved so the parent can then love the child as God loves them. I have two young children that make me consider “spanking” them several times each day. But I am also telling them not to hit each other and not to hit me and their father and other people, so that stops my hand. Just like it stops me from yelling “Be Quiet!”. I first pray to God for patience and help (while trying to stop the bad behavior–hitting, kicking, whining, name-calling, etc.- no easy task sometimes, especially when I am physically and mentally spent),and struggle but ultimately find another way to stop the behavior which usually means a lot of other things don’t get done when I want them to. But are those things more important than my showing my children that when I say don’t hit, I don’t hit either? I was hit a lot by a daily Mass-attending mother who I love very much to this day. The best thing she passed along was the faith because at the end of the day, I have to forgive her because I know now more than ever as a parent she was just doing what she was taught and was told was ok and it was usually when she was physically and mentally spent or her hormones were on a natural track both she and my father were not taught to be aware of (and I can now totally relate to those moments). But I am trying to break the cycle and rejoin the circle of life. Is it unevolved to hit? Hitting is a knee-jerk reaction. Sometimes I feel an act in desperation. God gave us thinking brains, and we need to use them. Even Mommy and Daddy, I tell my kids, and they can see our struggle and mistakes, even Mommy and Daddy are still evolving too, trying to figure out a better more loving way too. My husband was also raised not to spare the rod. And he quotes what many do, “and I turned out ok”. And he’s still struggling to hold his hand because he believes it is ok to hit a child. But did we turn out ok? Maybe we are “ok”, but don’t we want to be “great”? Why settle for mediocrity? Sure, it’s difficult, SUPER difficult, and if the child has special needs, or if we are a struggling parent, or an underpaid, overworked caregiver, or an unappreciated grandparent, it becomes extraordinarily difficult. But are heroes and saints made by mediocre acts? Is it worth it, worth not getting the list done in order to love that child as we are loved by God? If we see ourselves as a gift of hope, will that help us see our children as gifts of hope?…Maybe it’s harder to do for some of us, since our own parents (or whomever raised us and put a worldview into our heads) either did not practice what they preached or preached and acted without love. Maybe we were severely abused and neglected or raised to believe that God does not exist or God’s love is conditional, or everything’s relative, or we have to put our feelings first before we can help and love others, etc. and that’s how we were taught “love”. What if we sought God? And in seeking, knew we are loved by God, and that God loves us where we are and we need to seek the Truth. We can always learn. We are not the proverbial Old Dog that can’t learn new tricks unless we choose to be an Old Dog. An animal. Choose to learn. Choose to know God. Accept God’s love. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Love yourself as God loves you and you can love others–and your child–as God loves you. There is hope in every baby, and in every person. That hope is you. God is faith, hope and love. Have faith hope and love in yourself and be it, live it, share it. God loves you.
Amen, Dr. Meeker.
Dr. Meeker, I sure wish you were a doctor in my city. I would love to have a relationship with my doctor like you do with your patients!
Anyone have any suggestions for a super stubborn or strong willed 5 yr old who just doesn’t seem to care about consequences (spanks, lack of reward, taking away a priviledge, timeouts…you name it)
Well said, Dr. Meeker! Btw, we loved having you in Lake Forest (IL) last week. A real treat for our community.
Craziness…
Shared on FB. Every parent needs to know we are in a moral war for our kids and we need wisdom in handling these decisions