Sex Ed in Schools: Comprehensive or Abstinence—Which is Best for Your Child?
I have been actively involved in sex education in grades 5-12 since 1996, and I am passionate about it. My approach to sex education has always been to equip students with knowledge and skill sets to make the best medical choice possible when it comes to being sexually active as teens.
From a medical standpoint, the message that teens need to get is: put the brakes on. All of the best medical data available shows us that being sexually active as a teen, with or without condoms, is very high risk behavior. Let me run a few statistics by you:
- In 1970, the US had primarily two STDs: gonorrhea and syphilis. In 2012, we now have more than thirty-five STDs.
- In the 1980s, HIV came on the scene and the prevalence of genital herpes rose 500%. Now, one in five Americans older than twelve years of age tests positive for HSV 2.
- By 2000, 15.3 million Americans every year contract a new STD and more than 2/3 are in their teens!
- Currently, 20 million Americans contract a new STD each year and more than half are young people.
- Teen girls are at much higher risk for getting cervical cancer because they have different cervical anatomy than women in their twenties.
- According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, we are currently experiencing an epidemic of STDs among our youth, and the numbers are getting worse.
I wrote a book called Your Kids at Risk
Several years ago I testified at a Congressional Hearing on the prevention of cervical cancer in women. Dr. Julie Gerberding (head of the CDC) wrote a statement saying that there are only two ways to drive down cervical cancer in women: reduce the number of sexual partners to as few as possible and delay the sexual debut as long as possible. We know that when a girl waits until she is out of college or high school to have sex, the number of “lifetime” sexual partners she has drops dramatically.
Comprehensive sex education is founded on the philosophy that “kids are going to have sex anyway so we might as well make sure they’re as safe as possible.” Thus, sex educators discuss condom use, masturbation and other “safer” techniques with children and high school students. Some are quite aggressive in bringing bananas into classrooms and showing kids how to put them on. The problem with this is that it is misleading for this reason: condoms don’t always “prevent” infections. HPV, for instance, is transmitted from skin-to-skin contact, as is Herpes. So, kids feel that as long as they use condoms, they won’t get infections.
Abstinence education is fabulous and has gotten a bad rap, partly because of its name. “Comprehensive” sounds wise and to many who really think that kids can’t change their behavior, “abstinence” sounds puritanical and uneducated. The truth is, kids really respond to the abstinence message. There are some great studies that show this.
I have taught abstinence to thousands of teens around the country and they love the message (they tell me) because it makes them feel empowered. Many have told me that when teachers talk to them like they are “out of control” and need to use a condom because they are, they feel put down and misunderstood. One thing I do is talk very openly about how having multiple partners can lead to depression down the road (we have studies to show that) and they listen—especially the teen boys!
Here’s what I advocate as a physician. I teach kids at an early age that sex is fabulous and it isn’t for kids. I tell them that our culture: magazines, music, movies, etc., pushes them to believe that they need to be sexually charged in order to be worth something. I tell them that’s because those companies want their money. Then, I tell them the real deal. I give them medical data and tell them that the decision is theirs and theirs alone. I tell them that I speak to them as adults, not kids, and they love it.
Bottom line: I teach abstinence to all of my patients and the kids I talk to around the country and they respond really, really well. They listen because when we teach abstinence, we start from the position that we believe that kids can wait. We don’t believe that they are out of control, and kids love to be respected this much.
Don’t forget to check out Your Kids at Risk
10 Responses to “Sex Ed in Schools: Comprehensive or Abstinence—Which is Best for Your Child?”
Thanks for all the insight Dr. Meg!
Excellent post! Thank you so much for looking out for teens. What a blessing you are to your patients and readers!
Thanks so much, Cathy! You are too kind.
Hi Dr. Meeker,
Thank you for posting this response to my question! However, I’m still a bit confused. In theory, I absolutely want to believe that abstinence only education is the best. In reality, I have now looked into many of the studies and there seems to be a common theme: when abstinence only education is taught teen pregnancy rates go up and condom usage goes down.
It seems to be that teens who have already committed to not having sex outside of sex ed classes (ex: because of their religion) do better in that they DO end up with less lifetime partners, they wait longer before they have their first partner, and they are less likely to become teen moms, etc. BUT they are less likely to “protect” themselves(a condom is better than nothing)when they do have sex if they have received abstinence only education. Their rates of STDs are actually the same as those who receive comprehensive ed…because they don’t use protection as often but they do have less partners.
The real downfall of abstinence only education seems to be for the kids who have NOT made a personal commitment for their own reasons to delay sex. These kids are less likely to “protect” themselves…AND they do not delay sex despite the abstinence only education.
Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE your message that kids should not be having sex! I applaud the message! As a former teacher, I’ve seen the disastrous effects of teen sex. Furthermore, I remember being a teen in sex ed class and feeling uncomfortable because I knew I didn’t want to have sex…and yet here I was being taught that I was old enough to be ready.
But the statistics simply aren’t favorable for abstinence only education. So my question is: Are there abstinence programs that ARE more effective than average? Or is there a way to make comprehensive programs more effective at encouraging kids to wait? What about abstinence plus programs? Etc.
In other words: How do we really get kids to listen? And for those who aren’t going to listen, what about them? How do we get comprehensive kids to delay sex and abstinence kids to use protection…at the same time?
(And any research you have on especially effective abstinence programs would be greatly appreciated.) Thanks!
I really appreciate your time and commitment to family and kids!
Hi, Beth. My post today follows up on your questions. Thanks for reading and commenting! http://www.megmeekermd.com/2012/09/sex-ed-programs/
Edit: Here’s one program that seems to be more effective, maybe because it is so comprehensive (not in terms of sex ed, but in terms of children’s well-being!). Maybe we need more similar programs? http://www.bestfriendsfoundation.org/FoundResults.html
You mentioned masturbation. How can a parent make a teen not indulge in that practice or at least reduce it or make it unpleasant for them to do?
[...] that? Should he be sexually active? Why or why not? When he answers, really listen. Then tell him why he must put the brakes on and wait for sex. The dangers of intercourse (with or without a condom) are too great for teens. I know this is tough [...]
[...] that? Should he be sexually active? Why or why not? When he answers, really listen. Then tell him why he must put the brakes on and wait for sex. The dangers of intercourse (with or without a condom) are too great for teens. I know this is tough [...]
Hi Dr. Meeker,
What age is it appropriate for children to learn the anotomical names of their private parts? We have a daughter in kindergarten and they will be having a session in class to talk about private parts and what is unacceptable touching and how to report unacceptable touching. However, we are unsure if she is too young to be hearing the anotomical names of private parts. Thanks and loved the “Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters” book!