Why Is Harper Gruzins’s Performance Hitting Such a Nerve?
In the midst the recent glorious medley of Olympic achievements, one upset involving 11-year-old Harper Gruzins is juxtaposed in a peculiar and unnerving manner. This young girl’s poor rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner” has attracted national attention. As a parent, I cringe at the attention she has received. Here’s why I think her performance went viral.
First, there is the “ouch” factor. Whenever we see another person make mistakes, we want to crawl under a rock for them. What if that happened to me or my own child, we wonder. But in this case, the “ouch” factor eludes me a bit. Didn’t her parents know that either she isn’t a particularly good singer—or that even if she is one, she may mess up in front of tens of thousands of people? I understand when a grown-up willingly walks into this type of situation, but how does a loving parent allow their child to end up in such a spot?
That’s easy to answer. We are a culture obsessed with the success and popularity of our children. If the world loves our child, then our child has won. They will become famous, “discovered,” wealthy, and they will have arrived. If that happens, then we have succeeded as parents. After all, isn’t the purpose of our lives as parents to insure the success of our children?
Of course it is. But the problem is that we have come to define success in bizarre terms. When parents care more about getting their kid seen than they do with helping their child develop strong character, trouble lies ahead for all of them. That’s where I believe Harper’s parents made their first mistake: they threw their daughter to the lions because they wanted her to be discovered more than they wanted her to develop into a strong young woman.
Second, we parents have become seriously loopy. I’m sure that Harper’s parents heard her sing thousands of times. Maybe they heard a different song than we did; I don’t know. But I do know that parents hear what they want to hear. And since we are living in a time when every parent believes that the best thing we can do to boost our child’s self esteem is to tell them over and over that they are great at everything, we set them up for failure and humiliation.
As Tim Elmore says in Generation iY
Parents have the often gruesome task of teaching their kids what they are good at, what they aren’t good at, and about who they are and about who they aren’t. It doesn’t do our kids any good to teach them to develop their strengths if they can’t distinguish their strengths from their weaknesses. An enormous part of real success is knowing what those weaknesses are.
I feel sorry for Harper, and I feel sad for her parents. They have all been raked over the coals because Harper’s parents, like so many of the rest of us parents have been duped into believing that in order to raise competent kids, we need to tickle their ears and get them famous. The problem for both parties is that both end in misery. Just ask Harper and her mom and dad.
4 Responses to “Why Is Harper Gruzins’s Performance Hitting Such a Nerve?”
Yikes
Actually, the girl CAN sing. The only two perverse things about her situation are that her guardians did not SOUNDCHECK or understand acoustics enough or rehearse her for the venue enough for her to perform well.
Secondly, looking at the utube videos of this girl who CAN SING, it is apparent that her Guardians are not selecting her material at an age-appropriate level. An 11-year old singing about drug addiction is neither believe-able OR appropriate at any level.
Otherwise, I think your comments are well noted and spot on. However, the girl CAN sing! Adults should not be so quick to judge.
Well, I came across this kind of late, and while I know Harper is old news I just wanted to say you have it all wrong. I appreciate that you wanted to help explain to your followers how something like this could have happened.. Your explanation is incorrect. I don’t really feel the need to go into any detail or explain but did however want you to know I read your article and as her father let you know it is incorrect and I disagree with your therories and summery of us or other parents in general who encourage and support their children in whatever way they are capable allowing them to dream, and be passionate about it (not to have fame or fortune) because there will always be those people who will tell them they can’t and to give up. Thank you very much for caring enough to try and help people cope with such a bizarre set of circumstances Harper was involved in, but we believe in her musical giftedness and support her 100%. She works and practices very hard and still continues to publicly perform growing and learning each time. Only time will tell what she chooses to do with the music she creates and whether or not she is given a platform to share it. If every kid listened to all the people who told them they weren’t good enough, where would the next generations of explorers and descoverers come from? You may have always written well but probably not as well at age 11, did that stop you? I close this with great respect and appreciation of you and your qualifications. Sincerely, Harpers dad
Dear Karlis-
My sincere apologies to you if I misunderstood and /or misrepresented your intentions in putting Harper in such a tough position. As a parent and child advocate, I hurt for kids who are publicly humiliated. I am sure that Harper is a talented young girl with a beautiful voice.
My purpose in writing was not to criticize you as her parents but to point out that ALL parents, including myself, get swept up our competitive culture and thrust our children into the limelight when they aren’t ready. I am sure that this has been a terribly difficult time for your whole family. My hope is that this tough experience serves to strengthen Harper’s resolve to sing, rather than diminish it. In a less cruel world, her experience would have passed without incident but unfortunately, there are critics out there ready to humiliate a child for their own entertainment.
My best wishes to you and your family.
Sincerely,
Meg Meeker