Little Girls Just Want to be Sexy: What’s Mom Got to do with It?
The online Journal, Sex Roles, just released a study which found that 72 % of 6 year old girls studied declared that sexier girls are more popular. And a whopping 68 % also said that they wanted to look sexier. Let’s not feign shock, Moms and Dads, we all know exactly what’s going on here. As my buddy Laura Ingraham rants, kids are being pornified- right beneath our noses. Is Lady Gaga, Abercrombie and Fitch, Homer Simpson or the lewd T-shirt manufacturers at fault? Give each of us a minute or two and we can rattle off dozens of perpetrators marketing sex to our little kids. I don’t like them any more than you do and I, like you, am intensely frustrated that these folks get away with sexualizing and objectifying our young girls. But in my book, as a pediatrician, the buck doesn’t stop with them; it stops with us- the parents.
While the study looked at the fact that the majority of little girls wanted to be sexy because they identified sexiness as a sign of popularity, they also looked at what protected girls from feeling this way. The answer? Moms and religion. They found that the media set girls up for wanting to be sexy but when mothers reinforced this belief with self-objectification (remarking on their appearance and weight frequently) the girls decided they wanted to be sexier. On the other hand, girls whose mothers commanded respect from others, focused more on their character than on their appearance, and taught their young girls to reject messages which sexualized them, did much better in life. Religion, too, teaches girls to live with greater self respect. It turns out, that we, in fact- not the media and advertisers have the last word when it comes to what our girls believe about themselves. Our daughters mimic what media and advertisers tell them, but they become us, their mothers. They watch us, try on our behaviors, watch how we respond to them and then make decisions about who they want to be.
It is exactly for this reason that I rail against mothers who read Fifty Shades of Gray. Don’t kid yourself, your young daughters are watching what you do, they pay attention to what you read and why you read it. You read porn, they think it’s not only okay, but that it’s good (after all, in most young girls’ eyes, everything Mom does is good.) If we expect our girls not to be sexualized, we have some decisions to make. We can’t sit on the fence. What’s bad for them is bad for us. Period.
The world our girls are growing up in doesn’t like them very much. So we mothers need to find the intestinal fortitude to live better lives for their sake. We need to be willing to own the power that we rightly have in their lives and determine to make a difference, rather than shrug our shoulders and pretend that we are victims too. I am tired of hearing mothers lament that they just don’t have much influence over their daughters’ decisions, behaviors (particularly the way they dress) and feelings. When in the history of women’s liberation did we come to believe that?
So Moms, quit throwing your power away. Reclaim it and make some decisions. Don’t ask your daughter to be something that you aren’t willing to be yourself and when you do the asking, believe it will work. Because it will.
(photo credits in order of appearance: French Vogue, Toddlers & Tiaras and Daily Mail UK)
7 Responses to “Little Girls Just Want to be Sexy: What’s Mom Got to do with It?”
Love this!! Thank you for the bold reminder that we as mothers do, in fact, have power and influence over our daughters. We need not be victims of society and can (and should) lead them on a better path! God Bless all mothers and daughters!
So what are Dad’s to do about it? Especially divorced dads, who don’t have much control over what’s going on when the girls are with mothers who promote or exhibit these pop culture attitudes and habits?
Michael, what a great question. I love that you care enough to ask. You’re right, in a divorce-situation, you don’t have control over what happens when the girls are with mom. Take advantage of the time you DO have with them to do two crucial things: first, be consistently deliberate about showing and telling them that you love them and that you think they are beautiful and valuable. This is very important for them to know from their father. Second-and this one is important-SHOW them that all women are valuable by your actions – the way you treat and talk about women in general, the books and magazines you read, the movies you watch. They DO see the things you do and if you are treating women with respect in private and public, they will pick up on it. These positive messages from dad will go a long way.
[...] our daughters by taking stock of some of our own decisions, which I believe it is a good reminder! ow.ly/csiWd Share this:Like this:LikeBe the first to like [...]
Another great post, Dr. Meeker! My question is why couldn’t a large group of mothers revolt & go after ABC & NBC for sexually harassing our children? I have had it with this sex crazed society…I’m ready to fight for my daughters! I love my haute couture bikini but I only it wear it with my husband when we are away for the weekend. I wear a one piece with my 2 daughters & sons. I also cover my shoulders in church. If we don’t be the example, than this sexual crazed world will. It does begin in the home. Don’t get me wrong, I love looking sexy for my husband, but it is for his eyes only. Keep fighting, moms & thank you, Dr. Meeker for being the voice we’ve been longing to hear!
A friend sent me this article and I was honored to be able to say that Dr. Meeker endorsed one of a series of books by her good friend, Teresa Tomeo, which addresses these issues head on.
Teresa’s All Things Girl series (including the title Modern and Modest)gives mom and dad the resources they need in books that girls love to empower them as daughters of the King!
Excellent! I would add that men as well should take this advice! Little girls watch their daddies, and how they treat/view women is how the little girls think it should be done. As a father it is our duty to show our daughters (and sons) that women are to be treated with dignity and respect. Pornography has no place in the Christian home, of any sort. What we watch, read, listen to… all effect how our children view themselves and the world.