Breastfeeding Mamas: What Was TIME Really Trying to Say?
Since everyone is oohing and aahing about the mother breastfeeding her four year old on the cover of TIME magazine, I’ll throw in my two cents. First, I think that the mission of this poor woman failed miserably. As a staunch advocate for breastfeeding, her purpose in posing was to encourage mothers to breastfeed their babies well beyond the infant and toddler years. Instead, however, it seems that she made a fool of herself.
TIME put her photo on the cover for one reason: to make viewers gasp and then buy the magazine. That, they did. In fact, I have not heard of one reader who looked at the photo and remarked how lovely the image was. Instead, I have only heard folks (men and women) make peculiar, guttural noises communicating their- well- disgust at the photo. No one wants to call it disgust of course, because it is a mother and child, but that’s what I fear most Americans felt when they saw the photo.
So did this poor woman succeed in garnering support for mothers breast feeding their children into their early elementary school years? I highly doubt it.
First, there are scant mothers out there who want to breast feed beyond their baby’s first 12 or 18 months. So, to begin with, she was appealing to a very small crowd of mothers. Second, and more importantly, this notion reinforces to mothers something which their instincts reject. That is, that we, the Moms, are to be the sole source of everything to our children. Since we alone provide breast milk, then we should be the ones who are soley privvy to bond with them (forget Dad and siblings.) When you tell exhausted mothers that they are to be their child’s lifeline to the exclusion of other very important family members, like Dad or grandparents, they want to buckle. And I don’t think that’s fair to good mothers anywhere.
So let me say something that will really raise some hackles. I think that breastfeeding is very important, but since I also believe that it is important for a child to bond with her father and siblings, giving a bottle along with breastfeeding can be wonderful for the child. The truth is, every child needs more than just her mother. Breast milk is great, but it isn’t liquid gold. Feeding practices must fall into the larger scheme of parenting and to rob other family members of the opportunity to bond to children through feeding, isn’t fair to anyone in the family.
I dare say that communicating to America on the cover of a national magazine that children fair better in life when they latch onto their mothers (to the exclusion of other important family members) for sustenance well beyond a time when they can begin to provide for themselves (four year olds can open the refrigerator and pour themselves a glass of milk) sends a loaded socio-political message: mothers are more important than fathers. This, is absolutely, a message that we all must reject because if we accept it, then every child loses.
19 Responses to “Breastfeeding Mamas: What Was TIME Really Trying to Say?”
The photo is stylized to be shocking. The child looks old for 3, has on camos and a mature haircut, and looks like he’s gotten caught doing something he shouldn’t.
I agree with your thoughts on this picture sends the wrong message and was used wrong….but completely disagree on what you said about breastmilk not being “liquid gold”. I woman can pump her milk and put it in a bottle to include her family in feeding, she doesn’t have to give her child fake food to include them.
Gee, I didn’t read anything in the editorial that specified what liquid goes into the bottle. So those of you who assume it is formula need to become better readers. From personal experience breast milk is able to be fed from a bottle.
Doctor, you should know a little bit more about the true “liquid gold” value of breastmilk. You are taking several different issues and really commingling them to the detriment of many.
Breastmilk is far superior to any formula.
God did make and intend women to be the sole feeding for infants, and there are numerous other ways for other family members to bond than feeding! I dont’ think God meant to “rob” other family members any due rights.
Formula is known to cause micro~tears in the gastrointestinal system of infants, allowing an altered immune response, whereas a child fed solely by mother’s milk will fare better.
The issue of breastfeeding at higher ages than infancy is another issue entirely, with its own set of pros and cons.
The issue of this photograph on the cover of a nationa magazine is again a seperate issue, to which you could have spoken words of wisdom that counted.
I exclusively breastfed all 5 of my children.Some of them beyond the cultural norm of 6-12 months. My children were very bonded to their Daddy and siblings. As anyone who has actually practiced extended breastfeeding and attachment parenting will tell you, it does not mean what Time magazine makes it out to mean. Where exhausted Mom is expected to nurse day and night, without a break and holding them continuously. It’s a set of choices that can vary from family to family. Although it may not be our culture’s norm, there is much evidence to suggest that human beings are meant to wean later than a year. I agree the cover was for shock value. But I disagree with you on what the mother’s message was meant to convey.
It’s not so much the picture, its the text that accompanies it, ‘are you MOM ENOUGH?’ As if breastfeeding is a measure of a mother- I think this just increases the divide amoung BF vs. Non- BF moms? Just 10 years ago the general public was off-put to see infants at their mothers breast- yet with increases in what some find disturbing photos, overall BF has increased. I’m all for the pic, although odd on a chair? This mom is neither freak nor goddess- just a mom trying to do the best for her child, and for that, I commend her-
I know a lot of people don’t think about this, but I have had 3 babies and struggled to produce enough milk for them. I did all the things recommended by a lactation consultant and increased my milk supply but never had enough to fill a baby’s belly. I think women should do what they feel led to do. I also think some don’t realize there are two sides to most things. Yes, breast milk is the best thing for the baby. “Liquid gold” even. However, as one who never could provide enough, the inadequacy I felt was overwhelming – especially when the friends who could just didn’t understand or tried to encourage me to do more to produce more milk. To add to that with my first child, first time mom having a colicky baby that cried for 3 months. Completely inadequate feeling.
Thanks Meg, for encouraging people to have others bond with the baby. And for helping people like me know that we are ok too.
When my 2 year old was born, I tried, really TRIED to breastfeed. She never would latch for more than 5 minutes at a time & only ever got foremilk, so she was ALWAYS hungry. Any time I’d give her formula, she would spit up a TON, so I decided to try pumping. I pumped every 4 hours from the time she was 5 or 6 weeks until she was 6 months, when my supply started dropping. Was it a pain? Yes…but it was totally worth it. HOWEVER, I will never forget one day soon after we switched to formula, when a friend of ours who practices AP made a statement on twitter basically saying that her daughter was better than mine because she’d never given her a drop of formula. Way to make a mom feel like she’s a failure, simply because of the way she feeds her child. In my opinion, we moms need to stop acting like we know ALL the answers and that what works for our family is the right answer for everyone. Stop judging. Start supporting. I have not read this Time article, but just the caption to the photo is enough for me to know that it just encourages more of the judgmental attitudes of moms…and I’m done with that.
I agree with you, Dr. Meeker. I breastfed both my children; my first to 9m, until I became pregnant with my second, to which I nursed till 12m. I didn’t mind either way. I enjoyed that my husband, mother, friends, etc. could bottle feed my guy, and he loved it, too. He’s healthy and strong. It wasn’t the end of the world.
I’ve seen so many of my other mommy acquaintances who are “attachment” mama’s and they’re stressed, exhausted and not enjoying motherhood. Their children are unable to cope and melt into total hysteria when, heaven’s forbid, the mother needs to go to the bathroom and has the leave the child with someone else – even the father. It’s agony for everyone. I just don’t see how *this* is “emotionally better for the child.
Are we not to set out as parents raising our children to become strong, independent, well-adjusted individuals? Are we not to teach them how to cope with life? As a mother, I know I’m not the end-all, be-all, nor do I want to be. Yes, I want to be the mason laying the foundation in their lives – and I believe I am, but my children need their father, grandparents, god-parents, aunts and uncles, and friends to help work beside me to shape them and their character. The more of a bond that they are able to have with others, the more I feel secure in that they are in the best hands if heaven’s forbid, I’m not here tomorrow. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow… how would your parenting style change if you parented with such intent v.s. the attachment?
I think so much of what you stand for is wonderful, Dr Meeker. Unfortunately I have to respectfully disagree with the comment that a baby needs bonding time with fathers through a bottle. I EBF (no bottles) my 13 month old and she has a wonderful relationship with her father in so many ways other than through a bottle. They bond with lots of snuggling and he rocks her to sleep every night. Breast milk has so many properties that are beneficial to a baby, that I think it is important to encourage it for as long as mom and baby are mutually interested in it. I’m disappointed that you would be telling your readers otherwise
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Well, all of us mothers know the minute the topic breast feeding comes up, all the BF finatics get their panties in a wad! God love them for such passion! Dr. Meeker, you have the best most God given wisdom I have found. As a mother of four small children, I’ve done both. Let the dad & family be involved in feeding & I have exclusively breast fed my fourth who is 14 months old & frankly it doesn’t effect the children’s relationships in my opinion. Mine are all very happy & adore their daddy. I think your main concern is the mental health of the mother. As long as she is at peace & doesn’t mind EBF, that’s fine. But the moment the mom feels major anxiety, overwhelmed & isolated where it is negatively effecting her family, by all means let go & let somebody else feed the baby! Everything in moderation is key. Thank you for all that you do. As for Time Magazine….people are lost & grasping for any explanation of the way we should live other than the way God designed it. Pretty scary if you ask me!
Did the woman even consider how her son’s friends will highly make fun of him for the next 15 years? Poor kid I say. I’m sure Richard Stengel of TIME is quite pleased using this scenario to sell magazines, though. It became trash.
Bravo! I had not thought of that article in this perspective, that it was yet another step to exclude dad as though he is a useless extra in the family.
My oldest was born 4 weeks premature, and just was not strong enough to breast feed. I felt so guilty that I wasn’t able maintain the schedule: to feed her (from previous pumping), change her, put her to bed, pump, then go to bed, only to wake up about 1 1/2 hrs later to start the cycle again. My husband jumped in to help with the nights as soon as we switched to formula (he encouraged the switch) and our lives got much less stressful. That daughter is a lovely and healthy married woman now.
To scream “Traitor!” to anyone who doesn’t breastfeed is counter-productive. It works for some children and families and doesn’t work for others. It is not ours to determine exactly what every other parent should be doing just because it worked in our circumstance.
I really disliked the title. Why do we moms have to keep proving how tough we are, judging each other, competing, it is such a waste of time. I of course think breastfeeding is great, it is the perfect food meant for baby but there are real reasons that it is not the right option for many families.
Sometimes I get so embarrassed by the way the world must see Americans as we are portrayed in the media. We stress over doing everything perfect and being right, we have competitions like “I gave birth at home with no pain meds.” Well I gave birth outside in the woods and hit myself in the head with a brick a few times so top that.” It is all so silly and self centered. I just got a pamphlet in the mail from World Vision about food bars to save starving children in other parts of the world. Their moms would just like to have food and clean water for their kids and not have to see them waste away and here in this country we squabble over organic or not, delay or separate shots (which others would love to have for their kids and we act like we are being punished if we cannot be in complete control of the schedule), and whether it is okay to use food coloring once in a while and get quite upset about it too, like it is a real big deal which compared to other moms problems these are not big deals. I say all we can do is make the best decision for our families and get on with it and not question ourselves or care what others opinions are and also not offer our own opinions of how others do things since it is not helpful. I am almost forty years old with six kids and while I am an expert of nothing, I do feel more confident in my parenting and less judgemental of others parenting than I did in my twenties and thirties. I have been through alot of things and know we are all traveling a tough road and we just need to be kind and encouraging to each other, and actually enjoy our kiddos, they grow so fast, this breast feeding, baby wearing, shot delaying or separating stuff will be a thing of the long ago past before we know it and we will have missed the joy by spending all of our time trying to prove we are doing it the right way! Let us have some fun and feel good for once and not waste time debating things that do not need to be debated.
Average time of BF in the USA ..6 weeks. average in the world over 2 years. My wife, the most dedicated BF ever, nursed our four children a total of 10 years. It wasn’t easy. Our last took over 2 months to learn to latch on. One day I came home from work. Both her and the baby where crying. She was holding that stupid pump and wanted to throw it at me. She said “I can’t do this anymore”. I said “no way am I going to let you do stop, I know you won’t be happy in 3 months unless we do this”. Three years later she thanked me and so did my son. I was proud to help my wife to continue BF.
As a Pediatrican I try and help my Mom’s, walking a fine line between pushing but understanding every mom is different. I just want them to say they did the best they could. I don’t want them to feel guilty in 3 months. I want them to know they really tried and for whatever reason it didn’t work out and thank God we have formula.
Although attachment parenting has been an area of controversy, there is consensus that it’s healthiest to exclusively breastfeed for the first six months after birth. Instead of focusing on the decisions of an individual mother, we could be talking about the issue of how the infant formula industry is using hospitals to market their product. This discourages breastfeeding and ends up costing mothers more in the end because they’re likely to stick with the expensive brands they receive from hospitals. Instead of having formula pushed on them in this way, new mothers should be receiving a full set of information about their feeding options, separated from commercial influence.
http://action.citizen.org/p/dia/action/public/?action_KEY=10062
All three of my now grown children were breathed and without bottles given by their father. They have wonderful relationships with BOTH parents.
Dr MEG, there are different ways to parent which produce healthy children. With some children an occasional bottle is fine with others it confused them. It depends on the child.
My children each weaned when they were ready to wean. But i would not have had my picture on TIME Magazine when they were beyond the infant stage, just as a matter of privacy to mother and child.
An Attachment parent who enjoyed her chlidren
Interesting article. I appreciate the message that both parents are important complimentary figures for our children. We are too often bombarded with messages, I didn’t even see that the ad suggested mothers are more important. I don’t think that was the message the mother intended though. I find it odd that she would bring attention to not just something taboo in our culture, but that she would even allow the ad; because as a mother I felt I was unintentionally invading a bonding moment. Poor child just wants the multi-level nourishment he is accustomed to.
Tere are so many ways for dads to bond with their babies: baths, diaper changes, cuddles, singing, taking baby for a walk, etc. Then when a baby is six months old or older, dads can give the baby solid foods.