The Hunger Games: What’s a Parent to Do?
I believe that folks who comment on books or movies they haven’t read or seen are intellectually dishonest. Since I haven’t seen The Hunger Games, or read the books, I am not going to comment on whether or not they are good or bad for kids. I do know that themes: good vs. evil and heroes or heroines fighting to save town folk are noble and worthy. The catch with these, however, is that the wars involve kids fighting kids. Many of you parents are familiar with the books and since you should always make the decisions about what your children see and read, I want to give you some important things to think about before you make that decision.
First, whether your child is four or fourteen, you be the one to make the decision about what books she reads and what movies she sees. I realize that teens can be unbearably naggy, persuasive and they throw temper tantrums when they don’t get their way, but remember, they don’t process visual imagery and complex behaviors the way you do. And- the problem is, they don’t know this. Their minds capture and filter themes (especially graphic ones) from a very different perspective than adult minds. In short, what they see and read makes a different impression on them than the same would on you.
Second, don’t be duped by the lame arguments like: the world is violent and real so my son’s simply reading about/or seeing a slice of reality. Nonsense. Here’s the gaping hole in that argument. First, there is a difference between reading about violence and seeing it. Kids process images they construct in their minds from written words differently than they process large, hyper-real images on a screen. During the preteen and teen years, children’s minds are mentally pliable. They are being hard-wired. Our adult brains are already wired. So, when an image comes into a teen’s brain it melds into that wiring and sticks. It becomes part of his interior mental fabric.
A simple question to ask yourself is, if watching kids kill each other is a healthy form of entertainment and one which won’t have a negative impact on your child, why not take him into the hood and find some street gang fights? Would you do that? Of course not. So why bring it into your home?
Third, scads of medical data clearly tell us that watching violence changes teens’ behaviors. Period. You need to know that even your sensitive, kind, straight A student will be a slightly changed person after watching kids kill each other.
The final dumb argument I hear is: my child’s going to see violence (or sex) anyway, I want to go with him to talk about it later. In a child’s mind, he has two sets of rules. Yours and his. This is a good thing. There are things that he knows you approve of and things you don’t. When you bring him to a movie that you don’t think is good for him, he gets very confused. Once you take him, in his mind, you’ve sanctioned it and now he believes it’s not bad for him. He watches, becomes disturbed and now feels that something is wrong with him because he was disturbed. Since you brought him, he thinks he should be able to handle it. He doesn’t allow himself to feel what he does because in his thinking, you believe it won’t bother him. See how messy this gets to kids? Bottom line is, once you buy the book or ticket, you’ve given it your blessing and now he has to handle it.
As I said, I haven’t seen or read The Hunger Games. I am sure they are entertaining, even fun for some folks to watch. Before you indulge your teens or preteens (I don’t even want to know if your 8 year olds are seeing it) think about these things. Ask yourself a few questions. In a world where kids are shooting each other for real, do you want to add more of this to your child’s growing psyche? Are you ready to accept that your kid may be disturbed by violence? Actually- if your child reads or sees them and isn’t disturbed, you’ve got a much bigger problem on your hands. What about doing something radical like finding books and movies with themes that are fun and actually good for kids and pulling more of those into your child’s world?
It’s your decision, not mine. So if you think I’m all wet, that’s OK. But remember, one day your 14 year old will be 25 and she will pass judgment on what you did and didn’t allow her to do. For your sake, never her look back over her life and say, “Mom, what we’re you thinking?”
13 Responses to “The Hunger Games: What’s a Parent to Do?”
Dr. Meeker, while I agree that parents need to closely monitor what their children read and watch, I think you need to read the books before you even make general statements like this about the violent content. The message of the series is that it is wrong for the rich and powerful to exploit the poor and oppressed. In our world, this is a message that young people need to hear and embrace.
Here is a great review of the series that I recommend anyone reads before passing judgment: http://allthingshendrick.blogspot.com/2012/03/movie-reviewhope-and-hunger-games.html?m=1
When my daughter is old enough, I will encourage her to read these books and we’ll talk about the injustices in our world and fighting for those who can’t fight for themselves.
Dear Dr. Meeker:
I agree with you completely.
I aim to protect the heart and minds of my two sons, age 12 and 14, especially in view of the fact that they do not process things as we do as adults.
In terms of the writer’s message above about the theme of this movie, I would rather take my sons on a mission trip where we could DO something to make the lives of those who have been exploited better.
Both of my sons are adopted from eastern European orphanages and so we have made it a practice to talk about the lives of those who are poor and exploited and then do something about it. And we do. We walk the talk.
I appreciate your guidance and wisdom and also the fact that you are a mother of four. Thank you for making me think about this issue.
I read the books. I am a 43yr old father that grew up seeing many things I shouldn’t have way too early in life. I agree that it does change behavior. I have two daughters 11 and 8 years old. When I was reading the first book in the trilogy, I remember thinking; “what sick and twisted person would write this stuff?”. I couldn’t believe it was targeting the late teen audience. Regardless of the importance the message of the movie may hold, the delivery is critical and will also make an impact. This is where the line should be drawn with this book series and movie. I haven’t looked, but if this movie isn’t rated R, something is wrong with the rating system.
Disagree or not, as a parent, this is my stand and I will take it.
After reading a previous post, as well the review of Hunger Games on the link that was provided, I wish to point out a few things. First of all, I believe Dr. Meeker was quite clear about the fact that she had neither read the books, nor had she seen the movie, and was, therefore, not directing her article at that specific movie, but rather using it as a jumping off point to discuss a serious trend in today’s society. There are a million different creative ways to address the issues mentioned in the link with our children, because pre-teen they are just that, children. Compassion, integrity, decency, kindness, and equality are all paramount to raising loving, productive, decent human beings. To allow, or encourage Hollywood to be part of the process of molding or teaching our children is at best lazy parenting, and at worst traumatic to the minds of developing children. Hollywood, who has the lowest of all possible standards, has deemed the Hunger Games a PG 13 movie, and yet I continue to hear about 9,10, 11, & 12 year olds going to see the movie. As a child advocate, who holds a Masters degree in Education, and is the process of obtaining a Masters in Counseling, I am staggered by the number of parents who believe that if they simply treat their children like adults they will be able to think, and process the world, like adults. It’s no different than thinking “if I just work hard enough at it, I can get my 4 month old to walk” There is a complete lack of understanding about emotional and cognitive development. Children are brilliant at parroting information, especially when it gains positive responses from the adults in their lives. It is the egos of parents that drive them to exclaim, “look at the connections he/she is making. Isn’t that profound?” Parents need to separate their agendas from those of their children. At the end of the day Hunger Games is a movie about children killing children. It is a movie about the worst possible exploitations of children and those living in poverty. The medical and psychological research is overwhelmingly clear that viewing disturbing images, as well as being exposed to developmentally inappropriate information, is damaging to the emotional wellbeing of children. Be an activist, be political, embrace complex stories and riveting movies, but let’s do our children a favor by doing a little research on human development and let them be children. The days will come soon enough when they are forced to deal with the complexities of life.
Wow Beth,
I think you pretty much nailed it. See….all that studying DID pay off.
Thans for your compelling and articulate argument for parents to be leaders…not buddies…much more…leaders for their kids.
Thanks!
Beth, have you read the books? I am a pastor’s wife, a teacher, and I work with the youth at my church. I make myself read the books that the teenagers I teach are reading. It is my responsibility to know what they’re filling their minds with and what messages the world is sending them. Whether it’s Twilight, Harry Potter, Wicked, or the Hunger Games, I read the books to protect these teenagers and to make recommendations to their parents. I read these books to know if I will allow my daughter to read them in the future. As a mom, I will never tell my child that she cannot read something unless I have actually read it myself first and judged it inappropriate.
In our godless culture, Christians have a choice. We can RECEIVE the messages our culture sends, embracing the sin, sex, and violence we see all around us. We can REJECT culture completely and isolate ourselves in a little “Christian” bubble. Or we can REDEEM elements of culture and transform and use them to advance the gospel, teach our children, and draw us closer to God. Obviously not every aspect of our culture is redeemable, but after reading the books, I truly believe that this series is. And if we choose to (carefully, appropriately, wisely) redeem pieces of our culture instead of rejecting them, we are not lazy or irresponsible parents.
My 10 year od daughter came to me a couple weeks ago asking to buy the hunger games for her kindle. I had heard the title before but knew nothing of what it was about. But I had a “parental instinct” that told me to “drill in”. My 12 year old daughter dug up a book review and read the 3 pages. At the end we looked at each other and realized…this was simply not a good idea for a 10 year old. 1 minute later my younger daughter “sauntered in” asking if she could order it now.
I wish I could take credit for the next step but I’m convinced it was divine intervention…I’m simply not smart enough to think this up on my own. I said “sure honey…all I need you to do is read that book review then you can order it”…oh goodie she thought as she sat down and we left the room.
A few minutes later she emerged from the office with a puzzled look on her face. I asked if she had own loaded it (I would have let her). She looked up at me and said the most beautiful words…” I don’t want that junk in my head”.
Confession: I was so excited and happy for her. I was so pleased by her own discernment. I kept my cool and said…huh…that’s kinda what your sister and I thought too. Good job, high five…”smack”!
I then asked if there were any other books she was interested in….she went back into the office and emerged 5 minutes later asking if she coul buy “the vow”. I had not heard of this but it sure sounded more enriching than he previous title. I asked if she had read the review. She had. I asked if it stood for good. She said it did. I said “then go for it girl”.
My daughter read that book in 3 days…she then insisted I read it. I’m half way through it. It’s is such a positive and uplifting story…truly good, Godly an inspiring. And my little girl is so proud of hersef for discovering it…for us. I would not be reading this wonderful book if it were not for her. She loves that part.
I hope the lessons are obvious in his recounting. Im not just telling my kid what to do…I’m promoting discernment in her…she’s still a silly, goofy, 10 yer old, but at times, she demonstrates more basic wisdom than some adults I know. She takes great pride in this…and I take great satisfaction in knowing she’s more aware than most of her peers who think the books great, the movies great, they are so desensitized by media, it’s all great, nothing shocks kids anymore…they are shockproof. That’s sad…at least to me.
I think that’s why cyber bullying is so prevent in our schools. 4 police officers and a superintendent gave a cyber bullying presentation at our HS tonight…for 2 hours…the stats are shocking. What really grabbed my attention was the comment about teen empathy….empathy is on the endangered species list in schools according to these warriors in the trenches. They daily see behavior that is mind boggling to you and I. They attribute it to media, Hollywood, A&F ads, bizarre reality shows that turn the big day into a big confusing, sad mess where dress color and perceptions of “respect” mean far more than the purpose of the event itself.
We really have created a confusing culture in which our young kids struggle to “get” what’s expected of them. There self image gets second guessed at every corner. I really feel bad for them. They need help navigating this complex labyrinth that pop culture has created for them. Like the maze in the Shining…they need a lamp and a leader to help them through it.
If ever there was a time to “lean in and lead”…it is now. Blessings await our kids and ourselves if we do.
I’m reading a beautiful book right now because my 10 year old self edited her literature intake.
How cool is that? I’ll tell you…that is waaaaaaay cool….for her!
Meg,
I’m a fellow Christian M.D., and I really enjoy your work. Thanks for this piece on the Hunger Games. I’ve not read/seen it either, but once my kids explained the general idea (kids killing each other – what?? Hello??!), we decided it was off limits. There are so many other uplifting and edifying things to do and see – let’s do those instead!
Blessings,
Ann
Okay, then what about Harry Potter? . . . tons of killing, wickedness, witchcraft. And what about all the classics geared toward the YA audience that contain violence? Did you write an article or go up in arms about those books? I get your point, my argument is this: establishing that the books we are referring to do not glorify or promote killing (which Hunger Games [the novel] does not), why is it okay for some books to go there, and not okay for others? Let’s just be consistent here.
Lots of great comments here – it gives me much encouragement to help my children with how to make such critical decisions, as Jay is doing above. I can then use the Dr. Ann comment relative to doing what is uplifting and edifying to pose the question to my two teens “what can we do to help those who are exploited” in our community, etc.
Thank you!
Jessica makes a fine point about consistancey.
I do strive for consistant boundaries for my kids. It helps them understand whats expected (and allowed) and frakly….reduces the amount f time we send bickering about trivial matters.
At the same time i recognize how difficult consistancey can be.
For example…I let my kids watch Harry potter and some other similar movies. But i don’t let them watch the popular 2 hour long Abercrombie and Fitch movies about pubescent vampires living in stylish Dwell houses driving bitchin cars. For some reason those just felt too dark and confusing to me and for my kids. Maybe it was the pouty look on the one actresses face when she had near stand up orgasms every time her vamp buddy showed up. I just didn’t want my daughters having to deal with that boring noise. Thankfully this behavior was not repeated in Harry potter…the meta theme was about friendship, courage, honor and ven empathy in the face of evil. Very different.
So toward your plea for consistancey….I would make 2 comments.
First one is in recognition of shades of grey. As a prominent judge once said about pornography “I don’t know how to describe it…but I know it when I see it”.
Second point about consistancey…yes…all parents should strive for it. For their own benefit ad the benefit of their children. It’s a good thing.
Excellent point!
I have just returned from seeing the movie and I wanted to add my comments here. I am a college student graduating with a degree in Middle Childhood Education this spring and I was first exposed to The Hunger Games two years ago in a children’s literature course. I found the book extremely captivating and read it in about a day. We then discussed as a class the book’s merits and drawbacks as well as the possibilities and consequences of using it in a classroom. My personal thoughts were that while it was a gripping read, I would not use it in any classroom below high school age. I would be more open to the possibility in high school, but I tend to think that a teacher should focus on books that students would not normally read on their own.
While I found that the books had their value (especially in their themes of reality television, government control, exploitation of the oppressed, etc.) the movie was incredibly difficult to watch. I am not exaggerating when I say that my stomach was in knots from start to finish. It was extremely well done, but very disturbing at the same time. There were several long periods where I closed my eyes and covered my ears. Maybe I am more sensitive to violence than the average viewer, but I would not want to change that about myself. Like Dr. Meeker said, there is something wrong if people are not disturbed by them. I will probably not see this movie again.
My basic takeaway–as we all know, seeing something is different than reading about it. I feel like I could recommend the books more than I could the movie. And as always, every person is different. This is definitely a book and movie that parents should inform themselves about before allowing their young kids to have access to it.
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