“Redshirting” in Kindergarten: What are we thinking?
CBS’ 60 Minutes aired a segment on the increasing popularity of “redshirting”, or holding kids back from entering kindergarten by one year. The reason that most parents cite (at least on the CBS segment) for doing this is to insure that their child has an advantage over other students as he/she gets older in school. The idea, of course, is to make sure that their student has every opportunity to “outshine” the other students. For boys in particular, one year of maturity can make a big difference in physical stature and cognitive maturity.
As a mother of a son, I get this. What parent doesn’t want his/her son to succeed? But here’s the rub: a child’s success isn’t the real incentive of redshirting parents. What really lies beneath their decision is a fierce need to compete. Parents want their child to beat out his peers in the classroom and on the athletic field so that they, the parents, can feel like more successful parents. No matter how you slice it, redshirting isn’t about what’s best for the child; rather, it’s about helping kids become high performers and thus make their parents look really good.
Life is competitive and certainly every parent wants his child to stay afloat in a competitive world. But I wonder, what price we are willing to pay to force our kids to be the ones who outshine the rest? Think of this gesture from a child’s perspective. The messages he receives from his parents are many (and they don’t feel very good.) First, he feels that he needs to be held back because he’s not able to play on level ground. He needs the age advantage because he’s not quite good enough as he is. Do you want your son to feel that way? Second, he knows exactly what his parents want: a high-performer, above all else. I’ve taken care of hundreds of these kids over the years and let me tell you, if you want to really rattle a kid’s self-esteem, communicate to him that his real value comes from his performance. These kids are unable to answer one of life’s most haunting questions: ‘am I loved for who I am or because I perform well?’ Never let your child doubt the answer.
Third, kids see right through us. Make no mistake: every kindergarten child knows his parents’ motives. They can read our intentions because they’re wired by a deep need to be connected to us. Uncovering our motives helps them see what they mean to us (and what they don’t mean to us.)
Let’s stop playing games with our kids and with ourselves. Raising kids isn’t a game. Let’s turn our focus from raising kids who outshine our friends’ kids to building strong character in our children. How dare we bypass the opportunity to raise kids who know deep in their souls how broad their inherent value and abilities are in their parents’ eyes?
Redshirt your child and you might leave him wondering what he’s really capable of and more importantly, what his life is really worth to you.
22 Responses to ““Redshirting” in Kindergarten: What are we thinking?”
I held my son back because he was a few days from the cut off and his teachers and I thought this was best for him. It is a very personal decision that each family must make based on an individual child. Our decision had nothing to do with making him ahead of his class. Please do not imply that holding a child back is wrong. Each child is different and without knowing a child and his/her situation, you cannot make a judgement on this.
This is a great perspective. I was a year and 3 months younger than some of the kids in my kindergarten class. I always had to struggle. It took till almost 8th grade to “catch up” but really at that point I had a year more worth of experience. Now a father of two daughters (3, 5) I would never hold a child back. I am constantly looking for opportunities which allow them to be challenged instead of have an advantage.
I have always thought children could see right through us. I doubt they could verbalize it but they know.
Your article disappoints me. I understand the importance of addressing this issue, however you did not list any other reasons for holding a child back.
My son has spent the last two years in a special education preschool program for language and developmental delays. He is thankfully outgrowing these delays and the seizures which caused them. He will not be starting kindergarten until he is six (next year) and we could not be more relieved. Because of his delays, he will have an extra year of maturity and social skills. In today’s society where slower and socially awkward children are targeted for bullying I am so happy he will have this advantage for himself. This is not for me or his father but for him.
I sincerely hope one of your next articles will be about teaching our children empathy. In doing so maybe parents will not overlook this important skill needed to thrive in any environment, with any person involved. I feel that would accomplish more than this article.
Im also disappointed by this article. Your perspective seems a bit narrow. We opted to hold our daughter back as she turned five two weeks before school began last fall. We have watched her mature emotionally and developmentally in the past year. But beyond the gift of time, we were driven to this decision as Christian parents to protect our child. As parents of daughters we felt strongly about not putting her in a situation where ultimately she could be more than a year younger than her peers – especially as the dating, driving, and college years approach. I typically admire your posts, but this one seemed quite short-sighted.
I agree with almost everything you say about any subject, except for this one Dr. Meeker. The way it was presented on 60 Minutes clearly emphasized “advantage” in redshirting. I would be willing to say that most parents (myself included) wait to send their sons with summer birthdays for these reasons: kindergarten is more demanding than it used to be, an extra year to mature and play, no need for school to be childcare, why not wait? I would say that we’re the exact opposite of ‘hyperparents’. We’re glad to allow our boys to be home for another year, and be ready for the challenges that await them in kindergarten. Rather than repeating kindergarten because they weren’t ready, diagnosed with ADD because they couldn’t sit still for an entire day of deskwork we choose to relax and send then when they’re ready because we want what’s best for them, not to give them an advantage in high school sports.
While I agree that this could be the case in a lot of situations, it was not in mine. My daughter has an October 22nd birthday and we choose to wait to help her mature and get over some her shyness, also I didn’t want her to be labeled “the young one” in her class. It is not at all about competition for me but about giving her the best.
As a former Kindergarten teacher, I can say that I have seen some kids who SHOULD have been held back a year, but were not. I have also seen kids who should have repeated Kindergarten instead of moving on to First grade.
As the mom to a daughter born at the end of August, I have said since her birth that I will wait to decide whether she is ready for Kindergarten the year she turns 5. I want her to be successful…not to compete with her peers, but to feel confidence in herself and her own abilities. If she is not ready for Kindergarten and I send her too early, what does that tell her?
Wow, reading the comments suprises me. I got what you’re saying clearly and am unclear on how the other commenters are reading it.
If the HEART behind holding your child back is solely for your own glorification when they smoosh the competition. Then you’re not acting in the best interest of the child.
“Parents want their child to beat out his peers in the classroom and on the athletic field so that they, the parents, can feel like more successful parents.” —– If you saw anything beyond that message and took it personally, then I think you need to reread her post. I think it’s great!
Wow….I’ve seen a lot in my years as a teacher and as a parent who has moved her kids to several states, but I’ve never seen a parent hold a child back solely for the purpose of a child being the best and outdoing everyone else. Every parent I’ve ever known to hold his/her child back has done so only because it benefited the child. There may be some parents who would hold back based on the reason Dr. Meeker suggests, however, I feel that the majority of the parents holding a child back are doing so because it’s in the best interest of the child only.
I did not see the show you are referencing, but I have sons with summer birthdays and we held them all back and I do not regret holding them back. Our first child and son went to Kg when he had just turned five and by January, it was obvious to us that he was just not ready. He repeated Kg and this was good for him. With the other 3 summer birthdays, we just held them out. I have seen a lot of boys with summer birthdays that my kids are growing up/grew up with, and they are just less mature and sooner or later, except in a couple of boys, they all eventually have a harder time in academics or socially. I also have children who have birthdays in November, February, and March and they do just fine because they are 5 and a half or even older when they start school. My observation with having 10 children, is that 5 and a half is when they were “ready” for school. At this age, they make a huge jump in readiness in all areas of development. I think it is perfectly fine to hold back a child who would otherwise be one of the youngest in their grade. I have a June birthday and did well academically, but I always lacked confidence. I really think I would have been better off starting school a year later as I would have not been among the youngest in my class.
Most schools have a Sept. 1st (or close to it) cut off. Amanda, would they let your child start Kindergarten at 4 & not turn 5 til the end of October? I have a Sept. b-day & I was always the youngest in my class. When all my friends were driving & dating, I still had another year to go. I started my Sr. year at 16 & college at 17. I would agree it’s not for everyone. I don’t think the article is suggesting there’s NEVER a reason to hold your kid back, but instead, to check the motives behind why it’s being done.
One more thing… Did any of you with kids whose b-days were late in the summer send your kids to a preschool program (not daycare or babysitting) at 3 or 4? If so, did it make a difference? My son has a July 28th b-day, & this is something my husband & I have discussed. We’re hearing of more & more people waiting until their kids are six.
Dr. Meeker,
I love reading your blog, and book and really value your opinions, however, like a lot of readers above, I was disappointed in your “redshirting” theory. I am thankful that in Florida the deadline to start Kindergarten is 5 years old by September 1. My son’s birthday is September 25, and since he just misses the cut-off I have a valid “excuse” to keep him home until almost age 6. However, had he been born August 31 (all other things the same), I would have still chosen to keep him home another year.
While I tend to catch myself pushing my kids to do things earlier than probably necessary, I definitely feel my son is nowhere near ready to start kindergarten in a few months. He is not in daycare/preschool and though I love the fact that I am fortunate to keep him home, I know it has probably contributed to his slow-to-warm personality. Though he seems to have already conquered the basics requirements to pass kindergarten I feel that he is not yet mature enough to take on full-time kindergarten. He will be starting a K4 program this upcoming fall for a few hours every morning, though he will turn 5 a few weeks into the program. I would rather we take our time getting him started in school. The thought of him being older, bigger, or strong NEVER crossed my mind when thinking about him being older than most of his class. I doubt your article was intended to generalize all parents who start their children late, but it did come across that way. I would really like to hear your positive take on “redshirting.”
Wow – I guess if you are trying to just speak against parents who have competitive reasons, you’ve made your point. I would like to read what harm there is in holding back your child? Especially if your desire is for best interest of your child? I think pushing your child into school early could be more detrimental than waiting. Your take seems very narrow. There are a multitude of reasons parents wait to send their children to school.
Dr. Meeker, Can you please follow up with when you think it IS acceptable to “hold” a child back. In MI the cut off for starting K is Dec. 1, and with most districts mandating full-day Kindergarten, I believe, as a former elementary teacher, that many 4 yr olds are not ready for full-day school programs. I witnessed 4 yr olds needing to cuddle/sit on the laps of aids, and even fall asleep in lessons. I have two boys with Dec. birthdays that will start K at 5 1/2 years old, and a 3rd baby due to arrive in Oct. I would rather not send a 4 yr. old to K, or to put it in perspective, send a 17 yr old to COLLEGE!!!
Wow, I have to agree with Melissa. I think you touched a nerve and it’s obvious that you weren’t talking to those who kept their child back for delayed reasons.
My husband was joking (not around our children) the other day about keeping our son back because he’s small and we won’t want him to be the tackling dummy on the football field. Although he was joking, we both discussed that this is done, frequently. And it’s pretty sad actually.
My niece, who’s birthday is June 28, repeated kindergarten because she needed to both mentally and psychologically. I in no way took this article to mean that my sister was wrong in holding her back.
Those of you offended might need to reread the article with a little more generality and not specific to your own situation. And if you are truly offended, maybe you should really look at your own motives and how you are treating your child.
Most parents do no “redshirt” their children to have an advantage over other children. Parents who hold their children back for this reason are disturbed Most parents feel their children are not mature enough to handle the ever increasingly demanding nature of kindergarten curriculums. Although most student catch up academically, their maturity may always be behind, right up to college. We held our child back hoping that our child will be confident enough to stand up to peer pressure and resist risky behaviors down the line. Parents who are the primary educators of their children, know their children best and therefore, can best judge their readiness for kindergarten.
As a former kindergarten teacher, this was the most common concern I got from parents. I would always tell parents each child is different but there are some commonalities to be aware of. First of all Kindergarten today is not what it was like when we were children. There is little play time ( about 15 minutes outside and an hour structured play indoors through PE and occassionaly “work stations”). Also the standards are becoming increasingly more difficult. I rarely saw a child held back at a disadvantage. But the school I worked at often had the opposite problem of children being pushed into schools to receive government subsides. My rule of thumb is if you have a boy born May to August wait. I would delay a summer birthday girl. However, I would take into consideration the maturity and physical size of the child. My son has a November birthday. I wouldn’t dream of keeping him home another year. My girls have a late August birthday and I will wait until they are 6 before entering school (Sept 1 is the date here in Texas).
Dr. Meeker, I agree with you that the motives of the parents who hold they’re children back so they can receive prestige are sad. Children do see motives with clarity, even at the age of 5 and 6.
My favorite quote by G.K. Chesterton shows why many believe the only way to succeed is to put others down or take from others so they-themselves will have the advantage. This mentality is the opposite of the Christian ‘giver.’ The attitude may be right in the middle of the atmosphere at a public school. It is:
“The moment men begin to care more for education than for religion, they begin to care more for ambition than for education. It is no longer a world in which the souls of all are equal before heaven, but a world in which the mind of each is bent on achieving unequal advantage of the other.”
Therefore, know your faith – whatever you do!
I had no idea what I was doing was considered “redshirting” when I decided to wait a year to send my two oldest boys to kindergarten. Both boys have July birthdays. The message they received from us? “We love you and we love being around you. We’d like one more year with you before you enter school, which you will be in for many years to come. We want you to have a little more time at home, playing with your siblings. We want to give you an extra year of maturity, so you are entering college at 19 rather than 18.” It’s not fair to say that all parents have some crazy need to compete at the core of such a decision. Dr. Meeker, I respect you a great deal and agree with most of what you say, but I must disagree here.
Dr. Meeker,
I could not agree more with your post. While, as I’m sure you agree there are cases where it would be beneficial to certain children to hold them back, I agree that many parents are doing this with the hope that their child be a star and also with a potential scholarship in mind. It is frustrating to see my children being outperformed by their classmates. They have even commented on how smart or athletic they are, when it turns out that they have an entire year of maturity ahead of them.
I also think the kindergarten program today has changed for that very reason. A six year old would be bored in the former kindergarten class, therefore, the adjustment was necessary. Frankly, this probably applies to every class on up.
Thank you, again, for posting!
Wow, I usually do not comment, but I for one think this opinion is totally wrong. Perhaps there are some select few that choose to keep thier kiddos home in order to give them the leg up in physical advantages, but the majority? Not a chance. First, educational advantage? Yes the maturity level will be higher so they will have a better attention span and grasp concepts quicker (who wouldn’t want that), but unless they have already been introduced to the concepts at hand they still will learn at the same or similar pace as the rest of the class. Now I can see a gifted child who was held back having an advantage, but then again many highly gifted kiddos have issues socially/emotionally and do better with younger classmates. The main reason for waiting another year is to ensure that they are EMOTIONALLY ready. I have more of a problem with parents that push thier kiddos ahead when they are not ready, of course that has to do with the fact that I have taught special education for 8 years and a huge majority of my students are summer birthday boys. And of these boys I can say that at least 60% would never have been in Sped had they started school one year later…. Want a real opinion on this subject ask a kindergarten teacher.