Parental Teasing: Ever OK?
Two video clips have recently surfaced on Youtube and national night time shows and are lauded as hysterically funny. One involves parents filming their children after they pretended to eat all of their child’s Halloween candy and another shows children being filmed after receiving bad Christmas gifts. Both have both become wildly popular- particularly with young singles who don’t have kids.
Humor has long revolved around seeing others get hurt. There is something funny about watching a friend trip and fall or a grown man fall backwards off of a swing. Another’s pain brings out peculiar feelings in us all. That’s why watching children who are teased seem almost funny. But there are enormous differences between accidental and inflicted pain.
First, these videos of children show inflicted pain. These are children who are used for the purpose of another’s “pleasure” and the viewer knows that the children are being set up. Second, teasing is involved. Whenever teasing occurs, there is a spirit of meanness disguised as humor. Most will argue that teasing is legitimate, but when I talk to children, I hear otherwise. I think that it is important to hear their side of the story since they are the ones who aren’t laughing.
When a parent teases a child, the child initially feels hurt. Then, the child feels that he has been betrayed (duped) and understands that he can’t trust the parent who is doing the teasing. So, by the time the child realizes that the teasing is for the purpose of humor, he doesn’t feel like laughing.
No one likes being teased- ever. Adults may nervously laugh after they have been teased, but even they feel humiliated beneath the laughter. Make the author of the teasing a parent of a small child and nothing feels even remotely good to the child.
Is it ever OK for a parent to tease a child? Not in my book. So let’s help these little ones out and speak out against the mean videos.
What do you think about these videos? Let me hear your thoughts.
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6 Responses to “Parental Teasing: Ever OK?”
What you describe as teasing, I consider being mean. Though I do tease my child. Note even close to what you see above. We’ll sit down and be playing and we’ll play keep away. That is teasing, yet not even close to the teasing above. When we play on the floor and I’m tickling her, that is teasing, but not nearly the teasing above.
I would say that teasing is good, as long as it isn’t betraying or hurting feelings. I’ll never tease where it will hurt feelings. If I do mistakenly hurt feelings or betray my child, I immediately stop and help her through the feelings. All children will get teased at school, so helping them understand that teasing will happen and what is good teasing and what is bad will help.
Maybe I’m using the wrong word, but I think having fun with your child by playing keep away (she gets to play keep away from me), tickling, hide-n-seek and other activities like that, are good for the child, which I call teasing.
Being mean as the parents in the article, I don’t really call teasing, instead it is just being mean.
So true! I had a grandmother who mercilessly teased. No trust and no love felt towards her by me and I still unfortunately harbor ill feelings about it 16 years after her death.
I think if you re-watch the videos you will see some wonderful very social children and a couple that are socially young. I guess I have a large family and we are used to sharing. We dearly love each other… but have tons of family jokes that would be classified as teasing. For example the kids grandpa that just passed away is remembered fondly as always greeting my son with, “your pretty smart for a 5 year old” of course he was older than 5. and the list goes on. What I find more interesting is how the teased child reacts. My son thought” silly grandpa.” Not mean grandpa.. He did not think “grandpa thinks I am not smart.” it would be very interesting to see why, in the same situation, some children feel bullied and unsafe and some children do not. Sorry for not agreeing. I LOVE the little boys responses: “you sneaky mom” and pulling a candy from his pocket, “no you didn’t get all my candy”. Stuff is so not important.
No one deserves hurt feelings, but it seems today’s youth are paralyzed over every little thing, comment, etc. A climate of fear develops where no one dares say anyrhing for fear of offending.
When I first was directed to watch that video of the children being told their parents had eaten all their Halloween candy, I was dismayed and NOT amused. I thought it was very mean and something that would stay with those children forever. Initial feelings are strong, even when they are later ‘adjusted’ or ‘corrected’.
I am glad to see your article regarding those videos.
There is gentle, affectionate teasing and there is hostile teasing. The videos sound like hostile teasing to me, and those parents should be taught to show respect for their children.
In my family my father teased his daughter in very hostile ways, sometimes when he had been drinking, sometimes when he had not been drinking.
One of the worst I remember was when she was a teenager and her boyfriend had broken up with her; she was crying about the breakup.
My father sang to her, in a teasing and hostile way, to the tune of “There is a tavern in the town, in the town.” The words he sang were ” I feel so sorry for myself, for myself.” She was hurt and angry, and ran from him, crying, into her bedroom, closing the door. He stood outside the door and continued to sing the words loudly and repeatedly.