More on Habit #9: Clarify Your Fear
We talked a little bit a couple weeks ago about how destructive worrying can be for us Moms. (You can reference Chapter 9 in The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers to read what I have to say about the two most common fears: Loss of Control and Fear of Rejection).
The power of our fears can be enormous. An initially small fear can morph into a larger, broader one over time. When fear slides its ugly tentacles into our relationships, nothing good results from it.
So we moms need to square off with our fears and learn to take charge over them so that they lose their power over us. The great news is that we can. We most certainly can. And once we’re honest and expose our fears, we free ourselves.
Here’s how to clarify what you fear:
We can’t fight what we don’t see. Enemies must be identified and set apart.
One of the easiest ways to accomplish this and flesh fear out is to ask a series of “why” questions. We need to be bold enough with ourselves to press ourselves regarding why we do what we do. This is extraordinarily eye opening. For instance, every mother who works must ask herself why she works as many hours as she does. Is it really for the income? Is it because she doesn’t want to face life without the success and identify that comes with working so hard? I have often pressed myself on this last issue. In other words, I need to know that I work because I truly love my work, not just for the money or because I am afraid of losing my physician identity. I need to know that I am still valuable as a woman and mother without those two letters after my name.
That is just the beginning. Any of our fears can be uncovered if we press ourselves regarding our motives for our behaviors–particularly the behaviors that cause us grief. It takes work and you may need the help of a skilled professional, but the work is worth it.
Have you clarified your fears?
What is holding you back from doing so?
4 Responses to “More on Habit #9: Clarify Your Fear”
I fear that because of having diabetes and had breast cancer that I may not live to see my 3 beautiful daughters(ages 23,13,12) grow and live to see my grandchildren. I need some advice of how to get through this.This is a daily struggle for me. Thank you
Mary, I’m so glad that God has blessed you with three beautiful daughters! I know my daughter, would love to have a little sister, but for right now she has her two little brothers to play with. And I’m sorry that you have had to go through having cancer and are now dealing with diabetes. My wife’s mother just recently found out that she is diabetic and I have an aunt who has dealt on and off with cancer for over 10 years.
There is an Associate Pastor at Lancaster Baptist Church in Lancaster, California serving with Dr. Paul Chappell who has just came through some cancer treatments and has written a book; “Off Script” by Cary Schmidt. Here is the link to it http://www.strivingtogether.com/pages/off-script. I have not read the book, but have read many of his articles and one of his other books. They were a real blessing to me.
Mary, I don’t know if you’re a Christian or not, but I am and I couldn’t imagine facing the trail of cancer and diabetes without God. God loves you Mary and He wants you to have as much time as possible with your daughters. I have heard every Pastor that I know speak of how God will use trials in our life to draw us closer to Him and to prepare us to help others that He will bring into our lives when they go through trials. Mary, write down a list of things that you value most in your life and things you would want to do if you only had six months to live. Live out each day based on your values, making a priority to spend time with those you love most and doing the things that you value most. John Maxwell has a book, “Today Matters”, that can help you with some of this. Mary, ask God to love your daughters through you and schedule time with them. Tell them what they mean to you and make memories with them. Do not be afraid of the possibility of not seeing your grandchildren. Go to God in prayer and tell him how you feel and what you want. He is there waiting to help you with this.
In addition, I would recommend reading Jordan Rubin’s book, “The Maker’s Diet”. He is the founder of Garden of Life, http://www.gardenoflife.com. It is a great book that covers a great deal of health information that will be very valuable to you.
It’s really helpful for me which I have ever seen.Its presented well and nicely written which easy to understand.Thank you very much for the information.
It’s definitely good for everyone which has been ever seen.Its presented well as well as very well written which simple to comprehend.Thanks for the info.