Keeping Your Son On The Right Track In a World Filled With Ugliness

Keeping Your Son On The Right Track In a World Filled With Ugliness

All conscientious parents of sons ask themselves at some point, “What can we do to keep our sweet boy from going down a dark path?” Some of us are haunted by painful events in our community reminding us that kids get murdered, become murderers, get kidnapped, and become addicted to meth in our own neighborhoods. The world is a terrifying place for parents.

But here is the good news: we can have hope for each of our sons. After 25 years of seeing a lot of troubling things, I believe that with all of my heart.

First of all, many healthy kids go through trials during their teen years and some may dabble with alcohol, drugs, and sex. But most who are raised in a sound family pull through and end up on the right track when they are in their twenties.

A Perfect Storm Is Brewing

Let’s focus, though, on the boys who murder, shoot people, and want to blow up buildings. These kids are deeply, deeply troubled, and most adults who work with kids can predict that they are headed for trouble.

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Loving My Son without Enabling Him

Loving My Son without Enabling Him

Question: How does one DO love without enabling them or ignoring them? I’ve not been able to get to a middle road with knowing how and when and what it looks like.

I tell our son I love him. I’ve explained to him why I do the things I do for him (wash laundry, buy certain food, share a movie) but unless I’m doing and accepting what he wants (horrific movies or music, language, smoking) I am not “loving” him he thinks.

When he gets out of jail how do I go about this love thing and how does it work? I’ve always been lost here. I pray for him and I tell him I do. I quote scriptures. I tell him stories about myself or my dad or when he was little. I’m trying but don’t think it’s enough. Also being 20 years old how do boundries really work? Books don’t seem to go far enough for me to quite nail it down.

Thanks, I realize you probably are very busy, but if you could point me to something that has some “bottomline” info.

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Fearless Parenting: What It Really Looks Like

Fearless Parenting: What It Really Looks Like

Daniel brought his 15-year-old son, Brandon, to my office. For the past two years, Brandon’s grades had plummeted from B’s to F’s. If he didn’t make serious changes, he was going to have to repeat his sophomore year. When I began questioning Brandon about his routine, changes in his life, and what home life was like, he immediately told me that he had ADHD. His father nodded in agreement when he asserted himself.

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Love Him When the Going Gets Tough

Love Him When the Going Gets Tough

As mothers, we know that feeling loved brings our sons deep satisfaction, contentment, and a sense of security that they will take with them into adulthood. When they are born we ogle over them and wonder how we can feel such intense love for one human being. But as our boys grow older, that perfect love can become complicated by the realities of day-to-day living. Sometimes our sons make us mad, or they disappoint us. Sometimes it feels as though they don’t appreciate us. Gone is the little boy who trusted us as his entire world, and in his place is a toddler who tells us that we don’t know what we’re talking about because after all, we’re just “Mom.” With our daughters, it’s easier to talk things out and get at the emotional core of the issues that arise. But girls are communicators and most boys aren’t. Though exact statistics vary among research, the number of words that females use per day is in the order of thirteen thousand more than men per day.  Boys see through a different lens than we do and often it is hard to understand one another. In fact, many times when we try to make amends by discussing our feelings with our sons, we can be met with further rejection because boys don’t always want to talk things through. And then, hurt, we often end up pulling back, which creates unnecessary distance between us without solving the problem.

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Loving My Baby Enough to Give Her Away

Loving My Baby Enough to Give Her Away

I was wondering what suggestions you have for me for a situation I am dealing with. My 21 year old daughter is pregnant and has decided to allow the baby to be adopted. She is only 12 weeks along, not married and the father and her are trying to work their relationship out. It was kind of a Juno situation according to my daughter. She is my oldest and my only girl. I had her at 21 and I wasn’t married. When she was 6, after I had her 1/2 brother, I was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and given 2-5 years to live. My son’s father left me when I was pregnant for another woman. My current husband and I have been married almost 15 years. He joined the Army about 2 years into our marriage to provide medical care for me. Fast forward 15 years, our family has seen 4 deployments, all during my daughter’s teen years. My husband adopted both of my children and to them, he is Dad, but PTSD has reaked havoc on our lives. With adoption looking like my daughter’s choice for her child, I’m finding people have so many opinions and keep saying, “Why is she giving up?” I find myself stuck and I know there are resources for her, but are there resources for me?

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